Oh Jeez, Not Again....

I'm back in school. NOOOOOOO!!!!!! I am so sick of school! Four classes this semester. Not bad. Chemistry 1, Biology 2, Critical Thinking and Western World Literature. Two labs. =(

Corey left this morning. He didn't get the job he applied for, so now he's enrolling in fire school. It starts on Monday. I was planning to visit him for his birthday party over Labor Day weekend but all the flights we found were either too expensive or didn't have times that I could do. I woke up this morning with the worst feeling of dread I have ever had, thinking that I wouldn't see Corey for 7 weeks (fire school is 6 weeks long.) I went upstairs to wake him so he could start getting ready to leave, and when he woke up he told me that he wanted to stay until Sunday. I was completely happy with that, but when he called his mom to check and see what she thought, she became angry. Then she suggested we check United. KACHING! We got a round trip for 280. Not bad, not bad. So I'll be there over that weekend... then 4 weeks more of his fire school then I'll fly up there for 5 days during my fall break and we'll drive back down so he can stay here for a bit. I'm excited.

I got another new phone. I'm pretty sure insurance was invented for me.

And I got a new backpack!!!!!! I don't know why I'm so excited about it but I am! My old one had holes in the bottom... And the right strap broke at the bottom a long time ago... So I tied it to the clasp. But the top part of it broke the other day, so I tied that end on too. Plus the strap had torn, so the foam padding was sticking out like a backpack mohawk. But my new one is awesome! It's so new! It doesn't even have any holes in it!

I should do homework soon. I've got a TON of reading to do by Tuesday for Critical Thinking and Biology. Plus some Chemistry reading for Monday. And Western Lit reading for tomorrow. Hahahaha, I'll write again in 4 months.

I feel so shitty. It's 12:25 AM... I can't sleep. It's not just the fact that I've felt sick all day... or that I'm tired because of working for 12 hours. It's not the dread I have in tomorrow. It's not that I wish I could see my friends more.

It's just not something I can talk about. It's not something I should talk about. But ya know... when you have no one to talk to... it gets hard. People need to talk to other people about their problems... their issues... I mean everyone resolves their own conflicts via face-to-face or at least out-loud conversations because that makes them think... it makes them fix things. But I have no one to talk to, and it's really hard having to deal with that.

Work at abercrombie tomorrow... 11-3. Then Panera from 3-close. I'm already exhausted.

I don't know. I have so many things going through my mind right now. I don't even know what to type. I want to cry but I can't produce any more tears. I'm going to be up late tonight... thinking about things.

I hate this start and stop writing that I'm doing right now. My thoughts are so disconnected. I can't even begin to tell you all the things I'm considering.

I want to go throw up.

I I I. That's all I ever say. I hate... I don't... I want... I'm already.... I'm so sick of myself.

It's now 1:21 AM. Still not sleepy. My stomach is churning and the nausea won't leave. I've had a sharp pain all day on the left side... now I feel so sick, plus this dizziness and headache and my neck being stiff. I feel so down right now. I'm starting to cry but I don't know why. What is wrong with me?