Something Cliche About Teen Angst

I really do not enjoy living with my parents. They don't really seem to understand what I'm going through. Like my grades, for instance. So far, this semester has been really disappointing to me, since I've made 2 C's, 1 B, and 3 A's. That's not a good ratio. I'm really really frustrated with myself, and whenever I report my grades to dad, he asks me if I see an A as something possible. It pisses me off since obviously an A is possible... I'm just not trying hard enough. I'm going to try harder... I may quit Panera. I need to get good grades. I can't have A's up until this point, and then suddenly add a scattering of B's.

Another thing that angers me: my mother's lifestyle. I find her so hypocritical. We're not allowed to curse, and yet whenever she's angry (like at the girls, or Facebook, or because she doesn't understand how to use her phone) she curses and screams and stomps around the house like some sort of African tribal ritual. I don't even care that I can't curse... My problem is that she acts like she can do whatever the hell she wants without consequences. And she's so immature! She SCREAMS and HITS the computer if Facebook isn't working, as if it's her staple of life. And then she gets even more pissed off when I make fun of her. I shouldn't tease but she looks ridiculous. She never used to be like this. Up until I was 15, she never had these crazy random outbursts of anger and uncalled-for bouts of rage. Now she's freaking insane. Is it a midlife crisis? Is she bipolar? I know she took antidepressants. I mean, what the hell is going on?

Dad is okay, but so uninvolved in everything. He knows maybe the surface of my life. He knows I work a lot, I go to school a lot, I don't have many friends. But beyond that? Nothing. The only times I talk to both of my parents are when they're mad at me. Like this afternoon. I borrowed mom's suitcase for my trip to Ohio and never returned it to her closet. She asked me earlier to give it back, and I was in the middle of 3 different tasks so I told her to do it herself. She flipped out and started yelling at me, so I walked off, not wanting to deal with her. Maybe 10 minutes later I put it back neatly in her closet. Then, maybe 6 hours later, she storms into dad's room, yelling about how I'm an ungrateful child and I won't even return her God-damned suitcase. I heard her yelling and came out of my room, saying that I'd already returned it and she should have checked her closet before screaming about how I'm ungrateful. She then screamed at me for not telling her I'd replaced it, then huffed off to her room, so I called her immature. Dad then asked me why I had been disrespectful to her earlier this afternoon. I started to tell him how mom was an entirely different person when he's not around, but mom ran back out of her room and said "Oh yes! Go ahead and tell him this secret of yours!" so I said "No" and she kept annoyingly demanding that I tell him whatever I had been about to tell him, so I finally went back into my room without resolving the argument.

I've become so sick of the arguments I have with my parents. They always have the same format as well. Mom is mad, mom tells dad the problem, dad confronts me, i confront mom, mom complains about how I'm ungrateful, dad asks me why I behaved how I did, I explain my situation, mom interrupts me with more bullshit excuses as to why she was in the right, and I leave because dad doesn't understand that the woman he married 18 years ago is now a psychobitch who lies and tries to get people on her side by bad-mouthing her daughter. It's all bullshit. At least I only have 4 1/2 months left. I'm really hoping Corey will be living here by then. If not then I'll just have to wait until college, whether I'm living with Corey or in a dorm.

I don't even feel as if I live here now. I do so much outside the house that I really only come here to sleep and sometimes eat when I have the time. I wonder if me wanting to keep so busy is really just me subconsciously distancing myself from the household.

I'm reading "Flowers for Algernon" and "Brave New World" in my limited free time. "Algernon" is really good. I read until when he falls in love. I'll read more on Wednesday, since I won't have time tomorrow.

There's a new nerdy kid tutor in the Skills Lab at ACC. He's smart but awkward. You know the type. His clothes are nice, he has a low level of testosterone (looks like he's a tall 10 year old,) once thought the Skills Lab was a "communist regime"... Why did he laugh after he said that? That's not funny. This stupid girl asked me when Skills Lab gets out. I asked what she meant and she said "Aren't you a student?" I said yeah, and I'm also a tutor. She then asked when everyone had to leave the Skills Lab and when class officially let out. I stared at her until I realized she thought Skills Lab was a class. ... Wth?

I'm carrying so much pent up stress and frustration and anger. I just want a break from everything, but that won't happen until October when I go to Ohio.

I need to start working on my Hox genes/evolutionary basis of Hox gene utilization in Cnidarians soon. It's going to be really hard. There's not a ton of information about it. But I'll rock the shit out of it, promise.

Typed a ton tonight. It's 1:47 AM. Time for bed.